


You are worth it: from the touch to the scar.

by ElenyasBlood



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bottom Jared, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Misunderstandings, Mutual Masturbation, Possessive Behavior, Rimming, Were-Creatures, human!Jared, were!Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-30 23:37:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5184044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenyasBlood/pseuds/ElenyasBlood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Jared’s world, being a were is rather commonplace. It’s no big deal that some people can shift into a lynx or  fox, and even though the weres most often keep to themselves, it’s not unusual for them to mingle with the common folk once in a while.<br/>After Jared’s parents die in a car crash, he and his siblings are adopted by a family of weres. He becomes a member of the pack, and that’s where he meets Jensen. </p><p>Jared is human. Jensen isn’t. And though there’s much more standing between them than just their origins, growing up together makes them nearly inseparable. But when Jared’s feelings for Jensen start to change, he feels a wedge being driven between them, and he thinks he might be losing Jensen forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

When Jared was five years old, his parents died in a car crash.

They had won a romantic candle light dinner from a local radio show, just the two of them, without their kids and away from the noisy daily grind. It had been raining that night, and pretty heavily too. Jared remembered listening to the raindrops clattering against the windows as he was trying to fall asleep next to Meg. Blue shadows hung like mist between the furniture in his room and the world seemed at peace.

That was when the doorbell rang downstairs, rousing Jeff from his heavy slumber on the sofa. Jared remembered strange voices, then Jeff’s tight, choked-up sobs as Jared was climbing down the stairs. A policewoman and two men in rumpled suits stood around Jeff and Jared knew something was horribly wrong the second he saw his brother’s tear-stained cheeks.

“Jared,” Jeff had breathed out and his voice had been tiny and wobbly and he smelled like sweat and Cheetos when he pulled Jared into a hug.

Jared remembered the color of the policewoman’s hair and the small, heart-shaped mole above her upper lip. He remembered the loud, obnoxious ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall, the smell of burned Mac ‘n’ Cheese from the pot in the sink. And Jeff almost breaking his ribs as he squeezed Jared against his chest, shaking his head again and again and again. And he remembered the long, heavy silence when he asked about his mom and dad.

Afterwards, things happened in a blur. The burial was on a cold Friday morning in October, the service afterward. More men in suits came to talk to Jared and then he had to pack his belongings and leave his room and then the house. The first snow fell softly when Aunt Carol flew in from Washington, D.C. to take care of paperwork, and then winter came. Days went by and after everything was said and done, Jared waited. For a new opportunity.

It came in the form of a woman with rosy cheeks and long, dark hair that wafted around her shoulders in gentle waves. The man next to her was tall and sturdy and nothing like Jared’s dad.

“Hello Jared, I’m Ally and this is Riley. Can we sit with you for a while?” The woman asked and Jared remembered nodding, dumbfounded, clinging to his teddy bear and Meg’s tiny form in his lap. Ally and Riley stayed until dawn and came again the next morning to take them out for pancakes and milkshakes. Jared liked them. Jeff didn’t.

They got adopted by their new family on the 1st of January of the new year. Clean cut. That’s what the lady from the officials had said when she helped Jared pack his few belongings.

And what a family that was.

Jared knew about weres; one girl in his kindergarten class had been one. A lynx. Her name was Annie and he had liked her quite a bit. It had been odd though. Weres—no matter the kind—usually liked to keep to their own kin. They didn’t socialize much outside their packs and it was quite the thing when Jared walked into the backyard for the first time to greet the neighbor’s kid, only to find himself faced with brown fur and a wagging tail.

Up until this point, Jared had never seen a wolf in his life. And maybe that’s why he remembered the soft, shiny coat and the golden eyes so distinctively.

“Jensen, be careful with the boy,” Someone had called from inside the neighbor’s house and the wolf had winced slightly at the stern voice.

Jared remembered that he stepped forward then, a warm, sticky palm extended to the tall wolf and his heart jumping in his chest. Softly, he had whispered his name in introduction, and the wolf had sat on his haunches and whined quietly. Its fur had been even softer than Meg’s baby-hair and Jared had felt almost at home when his little hand brushed through the fur at the wolf’s neck.

Later, Jeff would tell everyone that it was the first time that Jared had smiled after the accident and well, that was quite possibly the truth.

Eventually Jensen did turn into his human form and Jared liked him just as much on two legs as on four. He had hair as brown as the wolf’s pelt and freckles scattered across the bridge of his nose. He liked baseball and chocolate ice cream and loud rock music. His room was on the same level as Jared’s and sometimes he came over and snuck in after bedtime, right before Jared fell asleep, to read comic books to him. Jensen was already almost grown-up when Jared was still a little boy—he was really only fifteen, but to Jared he seemed ancient—but when they built pillow forts together or read comics underneath the blankets, it felt like there lay barely a few months between them.

Growing up in the den was surprisingly easy for a human. The wolves liked to keep close connections and everyone took care of the pups, no matter if they were wolf or human. Arrangements were made so Jared didn’t have to attend certain classes, and if he ever felt uncomfortable his schedule got adjusted until he was okay with it. Jeff remained distant and snarky towards everyone but baby Meg, but he was dealing. Sometimes he hung out with Jared and Jensen for a game of Jenga or to play catch, but mostly he kept to himself.

Around his eighth birthday, Jared started to have horrible nightmares. Night after night he was haunted by cruel and vivid dreams, his body tossing and turning in his bed until his jammies were soaked with sweat and his jaw clenched tight. Sometimes he woke with a start, other nights he screamed until someone came to wake him gently. Those nights were heavy and draining and only when the bulk of Jensen’s wolf form curled around Jared’s own tiny body did the boy feel safe enough to fall back to sleep.

Years went by and Jared grew tall, his hair long. On his thirteenth birthday he reached almost to Jensen’s shoulders and his skin was tan from spending the summers outside. He had learned to walk amongst wolves and despite feeling that pinch of envy whenever he saw one of his friends changing from human to wolf, life was good.

Throughout the years Jared and Jensen became inseparable. After their first quiet meeting in the backyard, things quickly turned into a rock-solid friendship and even beyond that. There seemed to be no boundaries when Jared was with Jensen, no awkward touches or stiff hugs. With Jensen everything was soft and gentle and together they made one hell of a team. Every free minute of the day in Jared’s life was reserved for Jensen, no matter if they went hiking or fishing or camping in the woods, or hung out in front of the TV, watching game shows. Jensen helped Jared with his homework and taught him how to read different tracks and footprints in the soil. In return, Jared showed Jensen how to cook pasta. They had movie marathons on the weekends and shared their candy on Halloween. One time they drove all the way to Atlanta for a comic book convention. Jensen was Jared’s very own plushie, a warm, soft ball of fur whenever Jared asked Jensen to shift. In awe, Jared would brush his fingers through Jensen’s fur and scratch between his ears, and soon they were known to everyone in the den as only being available as a team. Never alone. There was no Jared without Jensen and no wolf without the boy.

Eventually Jeff left for college and moved to California, leaving Jared and Meg with the pack. It hurt to see him go, but in contrast to his siblings, Jeff had never quite adapted to their new family. Jared knew that Jeff would be happier in California, but couldn’t quite swallow the tears when he waved his brother goodbye. That night the nightmares came back and, sobbing, Jared had curled into the soft, warm fur of Jensen’s body.

But even after Jeff’s departure, life went on and puberty came and went and Jared fought hormones and jealousy and everything at once in the fateful summer of his sixteenth year when he went on a holiday trip with a bunch of wolves he knew from school. He had his first kiss that summer, tipsy and hasty, in between hiccups and hidden away from prying eyes down by the shoreline. His name was Jason and he had tasted like sun and salt and Jared had liked the way his lips had felt.

A few weeks later, Jason had fucked him on a crisp fall morning—their heads swimming from hours of laughter and the weed they had smoked—and their bodies moving together in awkward thrusts and pulls. It wasn’t great, it wasn’t perfect, but it was fun and even when Jared and Jason broke up a few weeks later, neither of them regretted their decision.

Jensen didn’t say a single word when Jared came home later that day, reeking of sex and hormones and wearing Jason’s sweater. Nodding, he had greeted Jared from where he sat on the patio, changing his form once Jared had waved awkwardly and running into the woods in long, powerful strides. He had remained absent that night and for the first time in years Jared was left to battle his nightmares alone.

When he turned eighteen Jared left the den for six months to work in New York City for a company owned by the head of the leopard pack. After spending pretty much his entire life within the confines of the territory, Jared didn’t think twice when he got the offer and gladly moved to the loud, boisterous city. The work was easy and he spent the nights out and about, dancing in New York’s nightclubs and using a fake ID to drink more alcohol than any human being should consume. He kissed, blew and fucked his fair share of guys: humans, weres, it didn’t matter. With his quick wits and boyish looks it was easy for him to get laid and for the moment it was okay. It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t love—not even close to it—but it was something. And at least he managed to forget the nagging pain inside his chest whenever he was pinned under a guy’s body, leaving the heartache for the long, long walks to his apartment in the mornings.

It wasn’t news to Jared that he was complete and utterly in love with Jensen, always had been. But wolves were complicated and Jared wasn’t sure he could handle complicated. Their mating rituals seemed feral and alien and even though Jared felt like someone was pulling his chest apart with a sharp hook whenever Jensen called for a chat, he kept his thoughts to himself. After all his years of living amongst wolves he hadn’t picked up much about how bonding worked, but from what he knew it required both parties to be willing and at least halfway interested. Jared didn’t understand how weres could let fate—cause that’s what mating meant; letting instinct overrule the heart—dictate their choice of partner, and he’d never forgive himself if he interfered with Jensen’s plans for the future. And in the end wolves liked to keep to themselves when it came to marriage, no reason to break those ancient rules for a fling, right?

Except those feelings inside Jared—all the craving and yearning, the desperation, the admiration, and the deep, undeniable fondness—were anything but a fling. And secretly Jared knew it.

Things changed when Jared returned to the den half a year later with hickeys down his neck and a tattoo of two purple candy hearts on his ankle, that read _stay cute_. Jensen was cool and composed in the face of Jared’s obvious hookups when they met in the backyard, and Jared’s heart broke a bit at the sight of Jensen’s face. Days went by and things at home seemed to go on fine, but after being used to living on his own for such a considerate amount of time, Jared soon felt trapped by the apartment’s walls and the rules his family had established over the years. On a Sunday evening, after a week of feeling too tall and too loud and acting restless, Jared approached his parents and together they decided that another solution had to be found.

A month later, Jared and Meg moved into their own little apartment in the northern part of the den, closer to the mountains. Jared loved it, loved how he could hear the river’s quiet murmur when he opened the window before he went to bed. And although he missed Jensen’s gentle presence whenever he woke up at night—panic-ridden and with his chest constricted with fear—he never asked the wolf to stay with him again. With Meg still in school and the two of them being practically inseparable, Jared decided to stay a year longer within the den’s borders before he had to decide on a college. God knew that after half a year in New York City he needed some cash before he was ready to live on his own again and since there were always smaller jobs available around the den, the decision had been an easy one.

And if that meant he could stay a little longer with Jensen, too, then so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

Jared stifled a yawn and rolled his shoulders until the joints down his spine popped. He was surrounded by the familiar smell of pine needles and a bunch of wolf pups were playing by his feet. They were chasing each other around the clearing with their muzzles hanging wide open, changing from human to wolf and back again in their rough game, not paying much attention to Jared's presence.

He was sitting on a flat boulder with his back pressed against the withered bark of an old tree, watching the pups through half-hooded eyes as he tried really hard to not fall asleep on his watch. A flock of starlings chattered in the treetops and the orange light of the setting sun filtered through the forest in gentle shades of copper and gold.

The whole area was so peaceful and quiet no matter how much he tried to tell himself that he too was part of the pack, it made Jared feel like an intruder whenever he was on pup-watch, like he had entered an ancient shrine of a cult he was not part of.

Someone calling his name made Jared snap out of it and he looked around, blinking. It took him quite some time until he realized he was still in the forest, cradled by the summer air and the quiet symphony of crickets.

“Jared, can we go home to see Mommy and Daddy?” a small voice asked somewhere around his ankles and with a smile, Jared slipped from the boulder to stand next to the wailing pup.

Malin—Alaina's little girl—was clutching a little toy in her hand and Jared picked her up with a smile, nudging her gently. “What's the matter, beautiful? You tired?”

The little girl nodded and let herself be carried towards the other puppies that were still rolling around in the grass.

“And hungry and I wanna tell Mommy about the deer I saw earlier,” she explained, watching quietly as Jared tried to pry the growling wolf pups apart.

“C'mon you lil' brats,” he said with his voice raised just loud enough that every furry ear within a mile radius perked up. “Time to go home.”

The azure blue of the sky had faded into a deep, rich indigo when the small group left the clearing behind. The horizon was painted in fiery red, and streaks of pink bloomed on the edges of every cloud. Jared let the puppies take their time, and once the outskirts of the den came in sight he dropped Malin to the ground so she could go and look for her parents along with the rest of the group.

The majority of the puppies were naked and dirty as they stumbled on their chubby human legs towards their homes and Jared felt some kind of smug satisfaction when he imagined all the tough, hard-bitten wolf soldiers having to scrub their filthy kids clean tonight. Finally all that intimidating determination would be put to good use.

Fumbling a can of beer out of the depths of his backpack, Jared flopped down on one of the benches close to the den's entrance. The temperatures were still mild at this time of the year and the air was thick with pollen. People—both humans and wolves—were strolling around the area and a few couples were sitting on the lawn, talking and kissing and doing gross grown-up things Jared was relieved not to have to explain to the puppies.

During his time in New York City, sex seemed to have been a natural part of his life. It had been easy to hook up and pretend that deep down he wasn’t still that insecure, shy nerd who liked to watch video game broadcasts and eat gummy bears. But here back in the idyl of the den, everything even remotely connected to sexuality and even simple touches tended to make Jared uncomfortable and antsy. Combined with a case of heavy, unrequited love and the dull assumption that Jensen had deliberately chosen to put some distance between them, things had gotten a lot more complicated since then.

With a sigh, Jared chugged half the can before he settled down comfortably, taking a look around. The sun had sunk beneath the treeline and the shadows grew large on the quickly emptying lawn. Lights sparked behind the windows facing North and the upcoming breeze was stiff enough to drive the remaining couples away from the grass and into the warmth of the den.

A bunch of middle-aged hunters came back from patrolling the outer sector, and after greeting Jared with a curt nod, they vanished behind the den's front gate.

“Yeah you go and try to scrub that dirt off your kids,” Jared mumbled, chuckling to himself as he decided to remain a little longer in the peaceful evening mood. Meg was out with Mariska and Ivy; there was no reason to hurry and he was confident he had earned a bit of rest after watching those rabid pups all day.

An owl was calling dolefully from atop the burst oak tree by the garage and Jared was about to take another sip from his beer, when a familiar silhouette took shape out of the dim shadows beneath the trees. _Odd_. Jared hadn't been aware that Jensen had been on duty beyond the territory's borders today. In fact, he definitely remembered reading Jensen's name earlier next to the little check-mark that symbolized him being off for the afternoon. So why wasn't he off to run with the rest of the pack or mock-fight the youths with Jeffrey in a ridiculously unfair stand-off like they did any other day?

Jared had started to get restless when the answer presented itself,appearing at Jensen’s side, wrapped in a tight-fit black dress that barely covered shoulders and knees. A waterfall of wheat-colored hair was artfully tucked into a loose bun, and high heels clicked on the gravel as the pair strolled towards the den's entrance.

It was like a mystery unraveling in front of Jared when he recognized the woman as Katie, a young, ambitious she-wolf Jensen used to hang out with when he was a teenager. She was a soldier and as such her body was real eye candy, with smooth, tan skin and every muscle sculpted to perfection. Her legs were impossibly long, and Jared had no clue how she pulled off being that graceful when she was basically balancing on nothing. Jared was sure something along the lines of “sex-on-legs” applied there.

She had her left arm hooked into Jensen's and her right hand rested on his bicep, fingers spread in a possessive grip. Pressed against Jensen's frame, she threw her head back to laugh about something Jared didn't hear, and suddenly there was a hot, angry pull inside Jared's chest, tugging painfully as he dropped the can on the bench next to him.

“You're such fun to be around,” Katie's voice floated over to Jared, and with a snarl the human pushed himself to his feet. What the fuck? Of-fucking-course Jensen was fun to be around, no question about that. And Jared would know that in the first place, right? They had been friends all their lives and—

“You're just easily entertained,” Jensen replied with a chuckle as he lead the woman closer to the front gate.

This—wait... were they _dating_? Was this a fucking _date_? Jared felt nauseous at the thought, and with sudden determination he stepped out of the shadows and into a cone of golden evening light.

“Jensen,” he barked and at the same time bit his tongue, feeling the heart inside his chest burn like acid.

The blatantly flirting couple was visibly disturbed by Jared's appearance and with a stiff smile Jensen disentangled himself from Katie's grip, excusing himself.

“Jared,” he greeted, keeping his voice neutral. “What are you doing out here?”

Jared felt jealousy tugging at his guts like a pointed hook and fuck, why did Jensen have to be that way? “What am _I_ doing out here? The question is what are _you_ doing out here, buddy?”

He didn't care that his words didn't make a lick of sense.

“Well, I had a day off so I went out with Katie,” Jensen replied truthfully, and from the way his brows furrowed, Jared could tell that he was starting to get irritated.

“ _Out_? To do what?” Jared hissed and stepped a little closer to his friend, eyes drawn to the crisp button-down over a pair of sharply-creased slacks. Man, Jensen looked really fucking good dressed up like that.

The wolf's arms came to cross in front of his impressive chest. “I would say it's none of your business,” he replied with a snarl. “And I don't see why you're suddenly so interested in my private life. Since when do you care?”

“I do care,” Jared snapped and felt his blood running hot. This was ridiculous, this wasn't _them_. For years there had been no such thing as space existing between them and the sudden coldness in Jensen's words was off-putting to say the least. It only added to the sensation of being pulled apart from the inside.

There was a beat of silence in which Jensen proceeded to look pointedly annoyed before Jared felt his anger melt into sheer panic. “I don't like her,” he whispered and nodded towards Katie, who was still waiting in front of the den's entrance.

“And I don't like it when you drink,” Jensen stated matter-of-factly and seemingly completely unfazed by Jared's inner turmoil.

“I didn't—“

“Yeah you did, don't even try lying to me,” Jensen cut in, tapping his nose. “Remember? Heightened senses.”

Jared let out a huff and was about to step a little closer—just a little bit so he could feel the intoxicating heat Jensen's body was emanating—when Jensen continued to speak.

“I better get going,” he said and his voice sounded weirdly detached. “It's bad manners to keep a lady waiting. See you around, Jay.”

And just like that he stepped away from the human and turned on his heels, waving awkwardly as Jared watched him go. It felt like something inside Jared broke that night and he figured he would never be able to put it together again. Rabbit-heart gone patchwork.

All his life he had been sure he was born to love Jensen. He was made to love this wolf with every inch of his beating, aching, heaving heart, for better or worse. And the ache that settled now inside his chest was so agonizing it made his breath stutter and left him reeling for hours after he'd curled up in bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Morning came quickly. The sun rose way too early and woke Jared with her tickling rays dancing across his nose. He groaned, snuggling deeper into the sheets and pressing his face into his pillow. The night had been short— _too_ short to be quite honest—and full of nightmares and the sound of Jensen's cold, hard voice. Jared was exhausted beyond reason despite the hours of sleep, and he half considered staying in bed all day. He had been miserable for the rest of the evening after Jensen had left, sulking in front of the TV and feeling sorry for himself until he fell into an anxiety-driven sleep.

“Jared, you awake?” Meg called through the closed door and her knuckles brushed gently against the wood. She sounded tired. No surprise there. It was like, what? Ass o'clock in the morning?

“No!” Jared replied with a grunt as wiggled out of his bed, stepping into a pair of sweatpants and stretching until the joints in his back popped.

Clearing her throat, Meg knocked again. “Are you okay, JT?” she asked tentatively, sounding honest-to-god worried.

“I'm good,” Jared lied and double-checked his schedule before shuffling to the door and swinging it open while stifling a yawn. “Just had a rough night, no need to worry.”

He really didn't want his sister to worry, or worse, stick her pretty little nose into Jared's business and eventually find out what was really going on. The last thing he needed was Meg butting in the next time he tried to talk to Jensen.

“Are you sure?” Meg asked as she examined the bags under her brother's eyes and his disheveled hair. Yeah no, she definitely was suspecting something.

Brushing a few stray hairs out of Meg's face, Jared made sure to smile when he replied. “I’m sure,” he said quietly. “And now go and get ready for class, you brat. Don't wanna be late for biology.”

Meg still seemed wary when Jared ushered her through their apartment and towards the bathroom but didn't inquire any further when she went to pull her hair into a ponytail instead. She left a few minutes later with a dust of blush on her cheeks and her backpack dangling from her shoulder, waving her brother goodbye as he shut the door.

Two mugs of alarmingly black coffee later, Jared was still miserable. Sulking, he sat on the sofa, munching on a bowl of Cheerios and glaring daggers at the throw pillow in his lap. It had been twelve hours since the strange incident and still he couldn't figure out what Jensen had been up to. The revelation felt a like a knife twisting in his guts. It was that kind of excruciating burn, that stupid fucking ache that's unsettling, agonizing, makes you want to claw off your skin and scratch yourself raw.

Thank fuck he was off duty for today and aside from Friday movie night with the pups later he was free to spend the day in his pajamas, watching cartoons and eating his own weight in cereal.

However, halfway through the day he ran out of milk and shows to watch and after an embarrassingly long moment of struggling with the blankets on the sofa, he threw himself into some decent-looking clothes and decided to take a short trip to the store. There was still some time until Meg would return from afternoon class and maybe it wasn't his worst idea to get out of the den for a while. In the vain hope the fresh, crisp mountain air would clear his head somewhat, Jared slipped behind the steering wheel of an all-terrain vehicle and hit the road.

Golden afternoon sun fell in angular beams on the dirt road, making the world look sepia and unreal. Rain-laden clouds floated across a gunmetal-gray sky and shreds of thick, cottony mist nestled in the hollows at the bottom of the mountains' gentle slopes. Autumn was on the rise, there was no doubt about that.

Music was blaring out of the car's speakers, lifting Jared's gloom, and if he did exceed the speed limit somewhat it was nobody else's business. Whistling, he set the signal as he attempted to pull out of the territory and jumped in his seat at the sudden appearance of three furry bodies blocking the way. Cursing, Jared kicked the brakes and watched his knuckles turn white with how hard he gripped the steering wheel, tearing it around. He heard the engine of the car roar, gravel scattering as the tires frantically searched for friction on the mushy dirt road. Panic sifted through Jared's chest, and with his stomach lurching and his legs turning boneless he managed to bring the car to a stuttering halt.

“For fuck's sake,” he muttered into the sleeves of his sweater as he clamped a hand across his mouth. “Fuck fuck fuck. Fuckity fuck. _Shit_.”

His heart was racing a thousand miles per hour and he was nauseous, his body quivering with the adrenaline that kept surging through his veins. Three wolves approached the car on quiet paws—unharmed, every single one of them—and when Jared kicked the door open, he was greeted with the naked glory of Jensen's bulky body. He was big and tall and broad and Jared hated himself for suddenly feeling so tiny and human.

“What the fuck was that?” Jensen greeted him, words coming out pointed between gritted teeth. The two other wolves—still pups from the looks of it—cowered behind his back with their noses twitching in distress. “What were you thinking? Speeding like that?”

He looked tired and a lot like Jared had felt for the bigger part of the day: worn out, stressed, and wound up tight.

“I wasn't—“

“Don't even try,” Jensen snarled and the young wolves behind him whined at the threatening sound.

Huffing, Jared puffed out his chest in a futile attempt to compete with the wolf's sturdy figure. “What’s wrong with you, huh? Why are you so fucking stand-offish? I wasn’t going over the speed limit, I just didn't see you is all,” he replied fiercely, proud to recognize his own voice as unwavering and rock-solid.

Jensen growled again and the pups retreated to the other side of the road where they flopped down on their haunches to wait.

“What is wrong with _me_? I could ask the same of you. You know the rules and they’re not that hard to follow, am I right?” Jensen paused briefly in which Jared managed to squeeze in a nod. “So what's your deal these days? And why are you acting like I'm your enemy?”

Jared barked out a laugh, a brittle, humorless sound that hung between them in the crisp air like an accusation. “I'm not acting like you're my enemy,” he spat.

“But you're lying to me and you keep your distance. You almost ran me and the pups over and still you remain speechless and reluctant to admit your fault. That's not the kind of behavior I expect from a responsible member of the pack.”

Somewhere a deer stalked through the brushwood and Jensen's voice lost some of the sharp-edged tone when he continued to talk.

“You're shaking and I can hear your heart racing, Jared. I know that you're scared. I can smell the shock all over you.”

Jared flinched. “No kidding, big guy,” he scoffed and wrapped his arms around himself, rubbing his shoulders to restore the blood flow in his stiff hands. “Shit like that don’t happen everyday.”

“So why are you still standing there, rooted to the spot? There's no shame in being scared of something, and not two years ago you would have run into my arms and squeezed me hard enough to break three or four of my ribs.”

For a moment Jared considered the implied offer, and truth to be told his body was aching for Jensen's touch. He longed for the warmth and the anchoring familiarity in their effortless contact. His heart was cramping with the sensation of being separated from his friend and there was a tiny voice inside his head telling him to reach out for the hand Jensen was offering him. But the moment he was ready to cave, the image of Jensen's tall form next to Katie appeared in his head, and he took a step back, flinching.

“Well, looks like some things do change,” he mumbled and let himself slip into the car again, slamming the door shut behind him.

He chose to ignore the hurt look on Jensen's face and instead waved him a curt goodbye before starting the engine again. He was still feeling sick to the bones and his stomach did continue to flip-flop, but everything was easier than being so close to his friend yet never close enough. But Jensen was dating Katie now. Dating. _Dating_. What a shitty word. What a lame word. What a useless, stupid, fucking thing to do. So why did Jared hurt so much?

He didn't turn on the music again. His improving mood had dissolved into gloomy thoughts and he took way longer than he should have to find a parking spot, get the milk and return to the den again.


	4. Chapter 4

Back home, Jared was greeted by his sister and her usual entourage of giggling young she-wolves, all of them blushing and waving when Jared came walking into the kitchen. Jared really couldn't be bothered to recall even one of their names, and while they pretended to do homework and really kept chattering and eating ice cream straight out of the tub, Jared decided to go for a shower before the movie night.

He really wanted to be angry about what had happened. He wanted to be livid about the fact that Jensen never listened and always went ahead and assumed the worst. He wanted to be annoyed by how Jensen constantly tried to lecture him and tended to treat him like a child that needed scolding. He wanted to be furious, outraged, disgruntled. But instead everything he felt was the excruciating ache nestling around his bones and the eerie, terrifying quiet inside his chest.

Stripping in front of the mirror, Jared took a moment to stare at his reflection. He was skinnier and paler than he remembered. When did that happen? Seemed like the sleepless nights had taken their toll after all, and despite entertaining the eating habits of a trash compactor, ribs were still showing through Jared's skin and there was a small but undeniable hollow where his stomach should be. His limbs were lacking definition and he felt gangly, frail and weak. Moles were scattered across his skin and his hair had grown quite long over the summer. The shadows under his hazel eyes were awful and Jared found himself wondering how a fucked-up, stick figure of a  human could ever compete with the impossible grace of a she-wolf. In contrast to Jared's scrawny body, Katie exuded vitality and youth, and everything from the healthy tan of her skin to the gentle curve of her body was an invitation apparently impossible to resist.

“Well, fuck,” Jared heard himself sigh into the silence of the bathroom as he tore his gaze away, and with a shrug he stepped under the shower. If Jensen wanted Katie, then there was nothing Jared could do about it. So maybe it was time to pull his head out of his ass and act like a goddamn grown-up. So Jensen wasn't into him, so what? He'd find someone else, that's what. It had worked before, right? Easy. He could pull it off. Fuck Jensen and his big, bulky form and his bright smile and his ability to lift Jared up and throw him over his shoulder as if he weighed nothing. Fuck his soft brown hair. Oh, and fuck his thick, meaty thighs in particular.

_Fuck him._

After he had spent an extensive time under the shower, Jared felt a little less messed up. With his skin scrubbed pink and his hair still damp from the water, he slipped into a pair of clean jeans and snatched a shirt right from the laundry pile Meg pushed into his arms as soon as Jared stepped into the living room. Her friends were gone and together the siblings prepared a short dinner before they headed towards the community theater in the heart of the den.

The room was already filled with chattering teenagers and while a few grown-ups were busy to set up the movie, more groups of young wolves filtered in, flopping down on the beanbags and sofas or sitting cross-legged on the floor. Soon the air inside the room was heavy and Jared had to remind himself that he was amongst friends as he walked up to Samantha. The female soldier seemed to be struggling with the settings of the video projector and let out a sigh of relief when she spotted Jared, touching his shoulder by way of greeting.

“Thank God you're here, Jared,” she groaned and stopped fiddling with the keyboard, shoving it into Jared's hands instead.

Snickering, Jared pulled up the setting panel and started figuring out the program, shaking his head all the way in amusement over the small huffs and moans of frustration Sam let out as she watched him.

“See? This is way too complicated. I really can't be bothered,” she muttered when the projector came to life with a stutter and the first scenes of the movie flickered across the big screen. “Life's too short to waste time dealing with modern technology and I'm too old to hook up a movie.”

“You're not old, you're just lazy,” a voice came from across the room, and wincing, Jared recognized it as Jensen's.

What the fuck was _he_ doing here?

Sam snorted. “You better watch your mouth, _youngster_ , or I'll rip you a new one. Audience or not. Don't think I'm not prepared to give you a piece of mind just because you're doing me a favor tonight.”

“Didn't think so,” Jensen replied in the same, joking tone and walked over to give the soldier a hug. He didn't approach Jared and the sting of it dug deep into Jared's wounded heart. But for the sake of playing it cool he hid behind the screen and waited until Samantha had made the announcements—no talking during the movie, no underage drinking, no yelling, yadda yadda—before he went to find himself a quiet place in the back of the room. The movie started rolling and after the initial restlessness had died down and all eyes had settled on the screen, Jared found himself thinking bitterly about the events of the day.

To be quite honest, he just wanted to forget about the whole affair. About the accident and the horrible conversation with Jensen, the fact that Jensen was dating Katie and then about dating altogether. About not being enough. Forget about Jensen. Jensen stupid fucking Ackles and the sweatpants he was wearing too casually under a snug-fitting shirt. About how he sat only a few feet away and how it felt like a mile and a half. And about his scent of rain on warm asphalt and mist hanging between snow-covered evergreens high up in the mountains.

But the universe was rarely merciful and after sitting through two hours of happy family terror on screen, Jared found himself in the unfortunate spot of having to clean up after a horde of teenagers as they filtered out and towards their respective homes.

“You got this?” Jensen asked before he shut down the projector, making the only light a fuzzy, yellow beam that came in from the hallway. He looked adorably cozy in his sweatpants and with his hair sticking up in all kinds of different directions.

“Yeah, sure,” Jared replied and hastily stuffed a bunch of candy wrappers into the plastic bag he was carrying around. The room smelled like popcorn and sugar and Jared—usually quite the sweet tooth himself—felt himself getting sick.

Slamming the laptop shut, Jensen was about to walk out of the room when he stopped in his tracks, turning around. “I didn't report it to Jeffrey by the way. That you were speeding, that is,” he said with an even voice. “I trust you to never do it again.”

“Good for you,” Jared huffed out and kept on picking up the remnants of the teenagers’ feast.

“Are you even listening?” Jensen asked, sounding slightly agitated.

Determined not to get angry, Jared resorted to a simple nod.

The change in Jensen's stance would have been visible from miles off, and a surge of electricity seemed to charge through the air, thickening the breath in Jared's lungs until it felt like tar.

“Do you wanna say thank you or something?” Jensen asked. It looked like his pride was wounded, and Jared would might have taken pity on him if it hadn't been for his demanding tone and the open challenge in his posture.

“Actually no,” he hissed. His heart was hammering at this point and there was an itch right beneath his skin, irritating and uncalled for.

Jensen's reply sounded more like a snarl. “Care to share the reasoning behind that with the class?”

“I'm not going to say thank you for something that should go without saying,” Jared barked as he tried to figure out the sudden frustration that was blasting through his body like wildfire. He wasn't angry. He wasn't _supposed_ to be angry. So why was he bristling with anger anyway?

“Oh, so because we grew up like brothers you're now allowed to make mistakes right and left and I'm supposed to keep quiet about it?”

“No, not because we grew up together, but because... because we're friends,” Jared shouted back, tongue tripping around a mouthful of words that remained unspoken, unacknowledged.

Jensen was impossibly tall and his body a solid wall of heat as he stepped in front of Jared, bending down somewhat to look directly into Jared's face. “You really need to lose that attitude, human.”

Oh, that's what this was about, huh? Fine, it takes two play that game.

“And you need to watch your temper, _wolf_.”

The tension between them became so prominent it felt like a physical ache and Jared barely refrained from wincing when Jensen ground his teeth, his glassy eyes ablaze with emotion. He was clearly struggling with his self-control and yet Jared felt no fear, only hot-white anger that made the hair in the nape of his neck stand on end.

“Fine, if you're going to be like that,” Jensen growled and it seemed to take all that was left of his determination to regain his composure. “Jeffrey will be hearing about your wrongdoing and he'll decide on the consequences. I'm not here to risk my ass—“

“Then don't,” Jared cut in with a shout, fingers curling into small, hard fists. “Don't fucking risk your precious ass for a fucked-up human. In fact, don't risk fucking anything for me ever again. Go and play happy couple with Katie, I don't need you to cover for me.”

Jared was trembling with the throbbing pain that was curling around his spine and yet he didn't stop, words spilling out of his mouth and falling into the silence like stones into the quiet surface of a lake.

“I don't need your charity, you ass, I'm not fucking twelve anymore. I don't need you and I don't need you to pretend that you fucking care. I'm doing just fine on my own. And you know what? I'd rather be alone than with _you_. Alone is good, alone is what protects me. And now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get the fuck out of here.”

Just like that, Jared pushed past Jensen's body and in a rush he was out of the room, leaving a blinking wolf in his wake.


	5. Chapter 5

Jared was surrounded by stoic silence once he stormed past the den's main gates and plunged into the darkness of the forest. He didn't even know where he was going, just that he wanted out of the den, where everything reminded him of Jensen stupid asshole, liar Ackles. Tears were stinging in the corners of his eyes and with his vision blurred he stumbled and staggered through the brushwood until he didn't feel like he was being suffocated anymore.

A symphony of crickets was weaving into the quietness of the night and the forest was alive with the sounds of the nocturnal activities of a million and one animals. Mice were skittering through the brushwood and deer and boar sought out their feeding grounds. Moonlight fell where the trees met the sky and turned everything into liquid silver. A fox crossed Jared's way and hastily made a beeline for the thickly woven shrubsbefore diving into the thickly-woven shrubs again, not knowing nor caring where a human might ran in the middle of the night.

Eventually, Jared did slow down. With his jeans torn by tangling roots in three different places and his sneakers damp from the year's early hoar frost, his hot-headed decision to storm off soon turned into a quite unpleasant journey. After a few more staggering steps he decided to sit down for a bit—just until his his heart stopped pounding out of his chest. Settling down cross-legged on a patch of wiry moss, Jared shifted until he was somewhat close to comfortable and pulled out his phone. Turned on, the display produced a small cone of white light that revealed enough of the surrounding area to make sure he was still inside the territory's borders, and after double-checking, Jared sunk down against the boulder at his back.

Needless to say that every trace of his initial anger had vanished into thin air. The fury that had been flaring through him had been washed away by the clear, cold mountain air and been replaced by unconcealed despair. His vile words burned like acid in his throat and something inside his chest pulled so incredibly close, a knot so tight-woven and pain-laced and yellow-eyed it made Jared sob. And if there was a tear trickling down his cheek, fucking sue him. He was never going to be able to take his words back; those nasty words spoken on a whim and with so much unjustified bitterness. Inexcusable. Unforgivable.

Jared hadn't cried in a long, long time—not since he knew Jensen anyway—but when he sat where moon and trees met to dance under the stars, he couldn't help but bury his face in the crook of his arm and spill those hot, wet sobs into his favorite sweater.

That's how the big, brown wolf found him roughly fifteen minutes later: a snot-nosed and miserable human with tear-stained cheeks and puffy, red-rimmed eyes.

Remaining in his animal-form and slowly—as if not to spook Jared—Jensen approached the cowering bundle of grief and sat onto his haunches right in front of him. His observant eyes were sparkling under the moon's glow and a million and one questions swirled in the myriad of impossible shades of green.

“Hey there, big guy,” Jared sniffled as he pulled his knees closer against his chest. He had fucked up. Fucked up big time. And he knew it. So it was time to face the consequences, right?

The wolf cocked its head, blinking.

“Guess I'm not getting out of it this time, huh?” Jared continued, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to stop it from quivering. “Said some pretty shitty stuff back there, really got ahead of myself.”

He hiccuped, and when he continued his voice sounded wet and was all but a whisper. “I-I'm so sorry Jensen, I'm sorry I'm such an asshole. I d-don't know why I said that... all that cruel, awful shit. I didn’t mean it, you know that right?”

A gentle breeze was brushing through the shiny brown hair on the wolf's chest and Jared ached to touch it, his fingers twitching with how much he needed it.

“I'd never think of you like that. I…”

At this point, Jared's words were barely more than a slur of syllables and the wolf whined quietly in its throat, hunkering down some more as it inched closer.

Wiping a few stray tears from his face with the back of his hand, Jared swallowed a whimper. “I'm sorry, Jensen,” he mumbled quietly. “I'm s-sorry I'm such a jackass who has to ruin things. I tried so... tried so hard to do good and not fuck up again and yet here we are,”

The wolf's quiet whimper made Jared look up to see the huge, bulky body having pushed closer, the silky coat almost grazing Jared's fingers.

“I'm sorry. I know it sounds really lame and it's not... 's not enough—but I mean it. And it's all I have to offer.”

The words pulled another string of sobs out of Jared's chest and shamefully, he hid his face in the crook of his arm once more.

“I'll make it okay again Jensen, yeah?” He spoke into the fabric. “It’s nothing like I said. I don’t hate you, you know. And I do need you, god I… I need you so much, Jensen. _Please_.”

When Jared looked up again, the wolf had lowered its head, whining softly and nosing along the soaked sleeve of Jared’s sweater. Jared sobbed. Jensen was offering him comfort, and Jared nodded shakily, launching himself against the wolf's broad chest. He buried his face in the thick coat, his arms flying up to slide around the sturdy neck.

It felt like something untied in Jared's chest right then, when he was falling apart in his friend's quiet presence and with his fingers fisted in the soft, brown coat around the wolf's shoulder blades.

“I'm so sorry,” Jared cried out in agony. “I'm sorry I'm such a sore loser. I'm sorry I'm jealous and not noble and perfect like fucking K-Katie. I-I'm sorry... 's all my fault, Jensen. 'S all twisted 'cause of me and 'cause I couldn't... couldn't stand the thought of you and... y-you and _her_.”

He didn't care how pathetic and poor he made himself look, didn't care about his choked-out sobs and the petty little hiccups he let out in between those pleading words. Weeping into the wolf's velvet-soft fur, he let all the pent-up tension pour out of his hurting chest. And with his rabbit-heart racing away, he curled into Jensen's body until he didn't know where the human ended and the wolf began.

They stayed like that until Jared's hiccups had ebbed away and his crying had faded into a bunch of scattered, wet sobs. Sitting up, Jared carefully unclenched his grip from around Jensen's neck and gently brushed his fingers through the fur of his chest instead.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered now with his voice raw from crying. “I'm sorry I can't be happy for you and... her just yet. Give me some time, will ya? 'M sure she's nice and I'm gonna... I-I'm gonna try, okay? Just please, gimme some time.”

Growling softly, the wolf dragged its cold, wet nose along Jared's jawline and down his neck before it slowly stepped back.

Waves of pale, dancing particles twirled and a shower of soft, yellow light wafted in front of Jared's eyes mere seconds later. Breathless and bereft of words, the human watched in awe as sleek, brown fur turned into golden skin and the wolf's long limbs shrunk back to form rippling muscle and bone. A clash of dust washed over Jensen and within the blink of an eye a fully grown man with messy, brown hair and wild, observant eyes hunkered in front of Jared—buck naked and not caring one bit.

“Jensen, 'm—“

“I know,” Jensen cut in, voice quiet and gentle. With his hair disheveled from being ruffled by human hands he looked soft and pleasantly comfortable in the wood's misty darkness. “I know you're sorry and so am I.”

Feeling his eyebrows knit together tightly, Jared cocked his head. “For what?”

“Everything. But mostly for not telling you that it was my mom who had set me up on a date with Katie. And that the only reason I rolled with it was so she'd shut up about my piss-poor love life for one fucking minute.”

Blinking slowly, Jared sat up somewhat. “What?” he asked incredulously as he felt his stomach plummet.

“She worries a lot,” Jensen explained and his lips pulled into a fond, lopsided smile at the mention of his mother. “She thinks that I'm lonely and pining after my mate so she asked Katie to take pity on me, is all.”

Jared felt heat rise to his cheeks and the tips of his ears rapidly turning pink.

“Katie is Megalyn's mate.”

Oh. _Ooh._

“So she's—“

“Yep.”

“And you guys aren’t—“

“Nope.”

Ooh. _Fuck._

Suddenly Jared felt incredibly stupid, like a child throwing a tantrum. He hadn't even been considering Jensen and Katie _not_ being an item in the first place and now he was sitting and blushing with tear tracks down his burning cheeks and his heart jamming painfully in his throat.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier,” Jensen spoke softly and let out a sigh. “But you didn't ask and I figured you might have just needed some space. I should've come to you earlier and not let it sit between us like this great big pile of shit.”

Jared nodded. “'S okay,” He slurred, voice fading into a whisper. “So your mate, huh? Big deal.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jensen replied and shifted a little, unintentionally offering Jared more skin to look at. His movements were familiar and gentle and though he was still squatted down on the ground he was towering over Jared. God, he was so tall. Broad, sturdy, steadfast Jensen.

Jared swallowed around the lump in his throat. Mate. That sounded big. Scary. _Final_. There was no use fighting that, right? Wolves mated for life and only once. Struggling was a lost cause and no amount of smart-mouthing and trash-talking on Jared’s part could talk Jensen out of it this time.

“Well, maybe you should go then,” He tried to make it sound casual, but with traces of bitterness lingering in his voice he only managed an eerie, hollow tone. “Be with, um, her instead of hanging out with my sorry ass in the woods at night.”

Huffing out an inappropriately cheerful laugh, Jensen leaned in until his face was level with Jared's, their eyes locking. “I can't,” he stated matter-of-factly, his breath a puff of hot air against the human's cold skin.

“Why?” Jared croaked and listened to the chatter of the his broken rabbit-heart, pounding inside his chest like a trapped little bird.

“Easy. It's because—” Jensen whispered, inching close enough for his lips to graze the sensitive shell of Jared's left ear—“because _you_ are my mate.”

Jared nearly jumped at the sensation of soft lips rubbing against his skin and gasping he tried to pick up on Jensen’s train of thought.

“I've known it for a while now, Jared,” Jensen continued in that low, raspy voice, his mouth still tracing the lines of Jared's ear. “You're my mate, you're the one that I want. I can't help it, it's just the way it is.”

“Why now?” Jared muttered, shaking.

Jensen sighed. “Because in all those years in which you dated other people, I didn’t think that you wanted me. I was always your friend, your best buddy, and I didn’t want to put that on risk by doing something all too hasty. I’d rather watch you go out with a hundred Jason freaking Momoa’s than losing you, Jay.”

“Did I hurt you when I... went out with other guys?” Jared asked timidly, chest clenching painfully tight. His head was spinning.

“I didn’t think you’d want me,” Jensen replied softly against Jared’s skin, combing his fingers through Jared’s hair.

Jared wanted to reply but his entire being—everything he was and everything he had ever been—was reduced to the tiny spot behind his ear where Jensen's mouth pressed a tiny row of kisses down his neck. Rendered speechless and unable to even lift a finger, he just sat there, heart racing, stuttering, breaking a little more. He was starving for the words Jensen whispered so easily into his ear and when he opened his mouth the only sound that left his sore throat was a small, quiet whimper.

“Please say you want me too,” Jensen mumbled and pulled back just a little to look at Jared's face. “You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from all... _this_.”

“But, you’re not gay,” Jared mumbled. He was utterly flummoxed by the revelation and his brain was clearly grasping for straws. This was nuts. Jensen had never dated a guy before, at least not that Jared knew of. What was he talking about, being mates with Jared?

“Jared,” Jensen spoke softly. “It sucks that I'm so thick-headed I never managed to let you know how I feel about you. There's no excuse for how long it took me to tell you, or how I was too chicken to come out.”

“I never knew,” Jared breathed, palms turning clammy. How could he have missed it? How did he spend his entire life around Jensen, completely blind to his best friend’s preferences, his affections?

“Did my best to keep you in the dark, I guess,” Jensen replied reproachfully. “I’m sorry Jared, sorry it took me so long.”

“'S okay,” Jared choked out, and finally the pain-laced knot inside his chest untied with a pang, sending aching jolts of tentative pleasure and relief down his spine.

“I’m sorry, too, Jensen. I never told you either, thought you could never like me like that. Look at me, at us. I never dared to hope you would... “ he trailed off, whispering. “I can’t believe it,”

Jensen's hands came up to cup his face, warm palms cradling Jared’s cheeks in a gentle grip. “Do you want this too? Please tell me you want to be with me too, because I really don't want to stay away from you any longer.”

“You don't have to,”

“Are you sure, Jay? ‘Cause I don’t wanna rush this, don’t want you to feel pressured into—”

“Fuck Jensen,” Jared keened, “I’ve never been so sure about anything in my fucking life.”

Jensen's sigh was almost a whine, his hands rough as he pulled Jared's face close enough so their noses rubbed against each other. “Good,” he muttered softly. “Good. Fuck yeah.”

The next moment their mouths crashed together like thunder and lightening, Jared's hands flying up to cling to Jensen's shoulders. Two pairs of lips parted on a moan and hot, slick tongues entangled desperately, clasping around each, licking soft little sighs out of sore throats and pulling needy whimpers from gently dipping chests. It was a careful performance of tongues and hungry, greedy mouths, both of them starving for each other and only pulling apart once their lungs pulled tight at the lack of oxygen.

Jensen kissed like he argued: broad and sure and sound. His mouth tasted sweet and like sticky popcorn, and sighing, Jared leaned in for another taste, pushing his own tongue into the silken heat between Jensen's lips.

“I'm your mate?” he asked breathily between kisses, making Jensen grimace.

“Sure are,” Jensen replied and skimmed his hands down Jared's neck and chest, along his flanks where his hands circled the slim waist. “Don’t you feel it?”

And in fact Jared did feel something. A strange, new burning sensation where the hurt had been.

“Yeah,” he mumbled and surrendered to another row of wet, open-mouthed kisses being pressed to his jawline. “Just wanted to make sure.”

“Mmhh,” Jensen sighed and with a possessive growl he sat up, cross-legged, before pulling Jared into his lap. “You wanna be sure? Fine, let's take a closer look.”

Tilting Jared's chin up to press a warm, wet kiss on his mouth, Jensen then found the spot right behind his ear again. “I can feel it here,” he rasped and rubbed his lips against the warm skin, sucking gently until a red hickey bloomed and Jared's breath had gone ragged.

He was wax in Jensen's hands and the smell of his honey-golden skin was intoxicating, highly addictive. Jensen was burning hot and his naked body was like a blanket against the night's cold, sheltering Jared as he shoved his face into the crook of his neck.

“I can feel it here, too,” Jensen mumbled and with a smug look on his face he found one of Jared's nipples, teasing it to a hard nub before pinching it through his sweater.

“Fuck,” Jared breathed and felt the a jolt of arousal trickle through his body, mixing with the white-hot sparks of pleasure that kept winding up his spine.

“I can feel it when I eat and work out and when I'm far away from you. Even when I'm asleep. I can feel it deep down inside,” Jensen explained as he kept working Jared's sensitive nipple over, rubbing and twisting it until Jared was a hot, bothered mess in the wolf's lap.

Jensen's voice was rough and low when he spoke again, lips so very close to Jared's ear again. “And sometimes, at night, I can feel it there,” he mumbled and let go of Jared's abused nipple to trail his hand deeper down until it brushed the half-hard bulge in Jared's jeans.

“Shit, Jensen,” Jared hissed and felt his cock twitch with interest, all the blood that had been suffusing his cheeks immediately rushing south. “I-I... fuck, Jensen.”

“God Jared, I'm going to lick your whole body,” Jensen muttered and smiled at the shiver that washed over Jared's body. His lips were on Jared’s neck again, biting and sucking marks into the creamy skin until Jared felt like he was vibrating out of his skin.

“Sheesh, Jensen. You can't say things like that, you just _can't_ ,” he whined and trembled with the sensation of his body being teased and held by Jensen's gentle grip. Jared’s cock—still trapped within the painfully tight confines of his boxers and jeans—felt thick and heavy and slowly he began rubbing it against the flat of Jensen's stomach, causing them both to shudder.

Jensen snarled half-heartedly. “But I want to,” he disagreed and grabbed Jared's hand, kissing each of his knuckles before trailing his lips down his wrist. “I wanna see you blush, Jay, and tell you all my dirty little secrets. All the filthy things I wanna do to you.”

“Gonna ...gonna be the death of me,” Jared bit out around a moan.

“Let me touch you, Jared? Can I… fuck, can I jerk you off?” Jensen drawled and his voice was wound up tight, his words slurred. He was drunk on how close Jared was, how much they were touching.

Jared barely managed to grit out a “yes, please,”  and the next thing he knew was Jensen's hand on his jeans yanking the denim away and not caring as he tore off the button and zipper.

Thick fingers dug for Jared's cock and within the blink of an eye the crisp fall air hit the hot skin of his length. Jensen spit in his palm.

“Jensen,” Jared wheezed, but his words were drowned in the blissful moan when Jensen wrapped a set of warm fingers around his aching cock, thumb running across his slit to gather some of the pre-come.

“I love it when you say my name,” Jensen admitted with a grunt and he tugged Jared closer to his chest as he jerkily started to move his hand. Slicked by spit, the movements went more fluidly after the first three or so strokes and within the matter of seconds Jared was gasping, cock flushed pink and hands fisting in Jensen's hair. He moaned out his pleasure unabashedly with his head cast back as he kept fucking into Jensen's fist, hips bucking into the warm, tight grip and eyes rolling back into his skull. Fireworks sparked behind his closed lids and his body was so alive with the feeling of being with Jensen. Their movements were frantic, erratic and fueled by the strange new need to get even closer.

“Shhh, easy,” Jensen muttered when Jared started to jerk into the firm touches. “Easy now, baby. Let me take care of you.”

And Jared let him. Moaning softly, he tilted his chin up until he could reach Jensen's lips just to see all color in the wolf's eyes gone, his pupils blown and inky black taking the place of the vibrant green. Their kiss was lazy and sloppy, all tongue and teeth and spit-slick lips. It tasted like Jensen and sex and—god, it was so _good_. Fuck.

But the pleasure that had been building up in Jared’s cock was overwhelming and after a few more strokes he felt like suffering from sensory overload. Every touch felt like a live wire, and it was exhilarating when the next upstroke hit right in his core, causing a flame to spark down his quivering thighs. With a cry he helplessly clung to Jensen's chest.

“I'm gonna—“ Jared managed to choke out and Jensen was right there, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him against his chest until their foreheads were tipped together.

“It's okay, baby,” he mumbled and circled his thumb around the head of Jared's cock. “'S okay, you can come.”

“I got you,” he promised and after another two or three tight pulls, Jared's body tensed and he tipped over the edge with a sweet, soft moan, careening into a mind-bending orgasm that made him come in hot spurts all across the planes of Jensen's stomach.

And Jensen held him through it, kissing his cheeks and nose and lips and whispering Jared’s name until his voice had gone hoarse. His hand was still resting against Jared's twitching cock and when Jared dirfted back into reality, he felt lax and heavy and pleasantly spent.

“Hi handsome,” he mumbled when he blinked his eyes open, giggling at Jensen's ministrations and the sweet, tickling kisses he left all over his face.

Jensen's smile was blinding and with a quiet growl he gathered Jared a little closer. “Hello gorgeous, fancy meeting you here,” he drawled and let them sit there for another while until Jared started shifting against Jensen, brushing Jensen's still rock-hard cock and pulling a low moan out of his chest.

“You, um, want me to... uh, do something about that?” Jared asked and was about to turn around and reciprocate. His fingers were itching to touch the fat cock that had been poking against his butt cheeks for the longest time and he couldn't help the disappointed whimper when Jensen caught his hand mid-air, stopping him.

“Not now,” he said while pulling Jared's jeans up as much as possible with the zipper and button still missing. “You're getting cold and I'd much rather have you in my bed than on the forest floor.”

He did have a point, and something about the way he confidently talked about _having_ Jared made Jared's cock twitch in renewed interest.

“So, your place or mine?” Jared asked, stretching his legs before untangling himself from Jensen and awkwardly teetering to his feet. His legs felt boneless and the muscles in his thighs were sore, but he certainly wouldn't complain while his body was still orgasm-stupid.

Laughing, Jensen got up right next to him and Jared took a moment to appreciate the unhindered look he offered on his big, tall form and the hard, leaking cock, proudly jutting out from his body. A dust of hair ran down from his bellybutton down to the mass of curls in his crotch and Jared thought about burying his face right there.

“Guess I gotta shift back,” Jensen said when he followed Jared's hungry gaze and both men laughed at the implication. “See you back at the den then?”

“Sure,” Jared replied and picked up his phone from where he had been sitting earlier.

“Come by my place? Oh, and you better call your sister. She was fuming when I met her earlier, guess she's worried,” Jensen laughed before he changed in specks of gold and shimmering particles.

Watching the man turn into a wolf, Jared tugged his cock back into his ripped jeans and after giving Jensen a short scratch behind his ears they left for the den. Halfway home, Jared called Meg as promised and after assuring her his safety he closed the conversation on the note that he'd most likely stay over at Jensen's apartment tonight, making the wolf next to him yip quietly.

“Idiot,” Jared snorted fondly as he stuffed his phone into the pocket of his jeans and after Jensen gave a warning growl, they covered the rest of the distance in companionable silence.


	6. Chapter 6

Jensen's apartment was a lot more comfortable than the one Jared shared with his sister. The bathroom lights were dim and the shower big enough to harbor both of them, which they promptly took advantage of. They made out lazily under the warm spray until they felt stupid with it, kissing and giggling and crashing into the plastic walls more than once. Jensen went slow and gentle when he fingered Jared for the first time and when he came—back arched against the tiled wall and thigh trembling with exertion—Jensen held him up like a perfect gentleman. Three fingers buried in Jared's ass and the other hand loosely jerking him off, Jensen kept fucking Jared until his body was limp and pliant and then carried him out of the shower with a smug grin.

They toweled each other off—Jensen doing most of the work—and when Jared was too tired to walk all the way from the bathroom over to the bed, Jensen responded by throwing the human across his shoulder in a fireman's carry and dropping him into the sheets with a laugh.

“Please, not another round,” Jared pleaded half-serious and watched Jensen settle down between his thighs. But the wolf only grinned and almost bent Jared in half when he firmly pushed Jared's legs up to his chest before spreading his cheeks just to pause right there, hovering right over the pink rim.

Jensen made Jared ask for it and only when Jared wheezed, “Lick my ass, J-Jensen. Fuck, please. I need you to tongue-fuck my hole, god _please_ ,” did Jensen bend down to lick right into him.

Jared cried out as soon as Jensen was at him, pressing back and shoving his ass right into Jensen's face. He didn't care about how needy he sounded when he begged for _more, babe, please more_ , and how his thighs were trembling under the pure onslaught of Jensen's tongue as he licked his way inside, fucking the tight hole all loose and responsive until Jared's inner thighs were slick with spit.

“Want me to fuck you?” Jensen drawled between soft little kitten licks around the sleek rim. “Want me to fuck your ass, baby?”

Jared thought that nothing ever sounded as sweet as Jensen's offer and whining impatiently he watched Jensen roll on a condom. His cock was beautiful, thick and long, slightly curved to the right, and Jared's hole ached with how empty he suddenly felt, how ready he was to get fucked into the mattress.

“Shhh, relax, baby,” Jensen mumbled when he aligned his cock, nudging the blunt head of his cock against Jared's slick hole. “Gotta let me in.”

And then everything became a blurry memory of _oh god_ and _yes please_ and _oh fuck right there please_ with every inch Jensen slid in until he was all bottomed out. Jared was almost crying with how deep Jensen's cock was buried inside him and how much his rim stretched around the fat base. It took him a few seconds to get used to the burn, then nodded.

“Fuck me, Jensen,” he asked, reaching up to lace their fingers together. “Fuck me, please. Make me feel it, fuck me.”

“I got a better idea,” Jensen moaned, shifting until he was the one lying down and Jared could straddle his hips. His grin was sly and Jared’s eyes widened in surprise. This was something he certainly hadn’t expected and after a few seconds of adjustment he carefully rolled his hips, moving in tiny circles and making Jensen growl lowly. The sensations were new and pleasant and splaying his fingers on Jensen’s chest for balance, Jared gathered the courage to drag himself up before sinking down again. Jensen moaned; Jared saw stars.

They moved slow at first—took their time, Jared eagerly testing the stretch and burn from the new angle and Jensen rocking into his movements gently—but soon they became impatient and hungry, their bodies starving for each other, and when Jensen found that sweet spot that made Jared’s vision white out, he slammed home hard. In and out. Hips bucking into each other, Jensen’s cock pushing in, sliding, buried so deep inside Jared he'd be feeling it for days.

“You're mine,” Jensen growled as he rocked into the velvet-heat of Jared's ass, pounding up hard and splitting him open. “Mine to fuck, mine to love.”

Jared felt his entire being blossom at the words, and shaking, he crashed down on Jensen’s thick cock, his own length bobbing soundly against his stomach with every thrust.

“Mine. Mine. Mine,” Jensen repeated and punctuated every word with a hard, strong jerk of his hips that sent Jared's slim body flying up before he fucked himself down again.

Jensen let his cock plunge in, fucked Jared with abandon, making him squirm and cry in utter bliss and didn't stop until he felt the tight hole clamp down on him as Jared's cock spilled pearly ropes of come across both their stomachs.

“My cock, my come, my _bitch_ ,” Jensen snarled and angled his hips a little downward, grabbing Jared’s thighs and hoisting them a little higher.

“J-Jen, fuck, please don't stop,” Jared pleaded at the sudden change of stimulation, moved with Jensen, against him, pushed up and into the hard, sharp slaps inside his asshole and milked a second orgasm from his twitching body the same moment Jensen felt a jolt of pleasure tear through him.

Jensen came buried deep inside Jared’s ass and with a shout, his body curled up and against Jared's chest and their lips smashed together in a hurried messy kiss. He let his orgasm wash over him like a storm flood and only when he felt like he could breathe again did he slowly, very gently pull out. Collapsing back into the sheets and pulling Jared halfway down, they took their time coming down from their highs until Jensen started to doze off. With a groan he hauled Jared’s drowsy body off him, pulling off the condom and flinging it across the room where it landed precisely in the waiting trash can .

“Are you okay?” He asked as he fell back into the cushions, Jared still heaving. His hole was sore and puffy. “I might have... um, gotten a little bit carried away.”

Jared's laugh was a little bit weak, but he looked fucked-out, blissful and certainly not unhappy. “I loved every single moment of it.”

“My little slut,” Jensen drawled lovingly and pressed a row of warm kisses down Jared's face as he pulled him in. “Let's get some sleep before round—uh, which round is it for you? I kinda lost count.”

“Oh please, you smug bastard,” Jared snickered and snuggled deeper into the soft sheets, not caring about the sticky mess between his thighs and across his stomach.

“Kinky little bitch,” Jensen replied as he pulled the blanket over both their bodies, turning off the light on the nightstand with a quiet click.

“Yeah, you knew that before. Oh, and Jensen? Remind me to send a fucking gift basket to Katie, will you? Or better, a medal. She deserves a fucking award for the stunt she pulled on me.”

Jensen laughed and Jared felt the low rumble vibrate in his own chest, where after all these years the burning hole started to slowly fill with everything Jensen was.

“Will do.”

“I think I’m ready for another round.”

“Shut up and get some sleep.”

Jared chuckled. “Will do.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Epilogue**

After the initial euphoria had subsided, things continued to be, frankly, fucking awesome. The sex remained absolutely mind-bending and for the long, glorious honeymoon phase Jared couldn’t imagine an existence outside of Jensen’s bed. He quickly got used to being sore almost all the time and it didn’t bother him how slick and ready he seemed to be at any given time. More so, he began craving Jensen’s presence, the heat he was emanating, and his cock fucking into him with reckless abandon. Jared couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t want to roll around in the sheets with Jensen’s weight on top of him, their lips mashed together in a hungry kiss and their fingers laced together.

No one in the pack was really surprised at the sudden turn of events and only Meg sat Jared down to talk to him in a quiet, stern voice. It was adorable and Jared loved her even more for her honest concern and the boisterous joy she was exuding when Jared told her he was genuinely happy.

The bonding, however, took quite some time and Jared made sure to ask all those burning questions until he felt relaxed and secure enough to approach the subject of mating. His panic of not being enough was soothed by Jensen’s reassurance as he told him night after night that he wanted Jared—had wanted him for such a long time. And it turned out that it wasn’t so much that the wolf had chosen Jared as a mate, but more that the human part of Jensen had fallen in love and slowly the wolf inside him had agreed. There was no plain ‘love through mating’, but a real, honest affection between both men and it built the foundation for their relationship. Their love had grown over the years and it felt so right, so honest and true it made Jared’s rabbit-heart race away in blissful excitement.

Jared eventually did get over his insecurities and stopped comparing himself with the wolves, both male and female. Between Jensen courting him in front of everyone and the quiet, secret vows they pledged away from prying eyes and under the cover of their blankets, Jared learned to love himself a little more as who he was.

He was human, but more importantly he was Jensen’s human—and he was completely okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is. After a long, long while some more J2 from me. This is probably going to be a piece of a larger  
> verse, since I haven't yet enough of wolf!Jensen and his cute little human. *-* 
> 
> While re-reading it and correcting the typos, I did realize that this story really does read as a small part of a larger, longer  
> story and it's a little bit irritating and frustrating for me. But I guess that's just the way things go. I hope you guys like it anyway. 
> 
> Beta'd by my precious friend [Jess](http://wincechesters.tumblr.com/), who also had the incredibly kindness to help me fix the summary and turn it into  
> a decent explanation of what is going to go in the story. I love you very much. *-* 
> 
> Special thanks goes to my wonderful [Pao](http://possessivejensen.tumblr.com/), who kept feeding me those tasty possessive Jensen vibes and is always there for me when i need a shoulder to lean on. You're beautiful my little one and I love you to bits. Thanks for all the support and the utter faith you have in me. *3*
> 
> I had some great fun writing this, and I think it's showing: it's just a big ol' dumpster of words jumbled together and doesn't have too much depth, but hey, I'm not a person of great depth too so it's rather fitting. ;D
> 
> Elenya xx


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